


What Are We Gonna Do?

by systems



Series: Dumb but Cute [1]
Category: Free!
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-12
Updated: 2015-04-12
Packaged: 2018-03-22 16:51:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3736399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/systems/pseuds/systems
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Are you happy, Makoto?" Rin asks. </p><p>Makoto startles, but covers it with a laugh and a closed-eye smile. "I am," he says. "I'm always happy to see you, Rin." </p><p>Shaking his head, Rin sighs out a harsh breath. "That's not what I mean."</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Are We Gonna Do?

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so full disclosure: I posted this yesterday and promptly decided I hated it, and debated before taking it down until I could get home and try to fix it. I'm not entirely satisfied, but it feels more in-character now. Hopefully you agree.

The doorbell rings. 

"Rin!" Makoto says when he opens the door. "Come in! It's such a surprise to...see you...?" He trails off, becoming more and more uncertain as Rin just stands there, making no move to step across the threshold. He won't even meet his eyes. "Rin? Are you okay?" 

Rin only frowns slightly. "I don't want to come in," he says. 

"Um. Okay?" Makoto scratches the back of his neck. "Should I come out?"

Rin shrugs, lips tight and eyebrows furrowed. "If you want to." 

"Okay. Now what?" Makoto asks when he's slipped his shoes on and is standing next to Rin on the stoop. 

"Are you watching the twins?"

"Oh. No, I'm not," Makoto tells him. "Everyone's home." 

Rin nods once. "Good. Let's go out." 

"Sure," Makoto smiles. He calls back into the house that he's going out and has his phone, and he locks the front door. 

Rin turns on his heel and starts down the steps. He calls back, "Come on, Makoto!" but he doesn't look back to make sure Makoto follows. 

Makoto does, of course he does. "Rin?" he asks when he catches up. "Is everything okay?"

"Fine." 

"Okay?" 

"You sound so damn timid, Makoto," Rin says. He doesn't _seem_ angry to Makoto, but he's not sure that means much anymore, with Rin. 

"Are you mad at me?" He tests the waters and drops his hand gently on Rin's shoulder. Rin stops on the pavement and turns to halfway face him. 

"No." He sighs, looking discontent. 

"Rin, where are we going?" he tries. 

"Out," Rin says impatiently, and starts walking again. 

Makoto tries to classify the emotions radiating off Rin. He's not angry; not with Makoto, anyway. He's telling the truth about that. He seems determined but also troubled in a way that unsettles Makoto, too. He takes Rin's hand and pulls so that they can walk side by side, and they continue on. He doesn't hold too tightly, and Rin pulls his hand back after a while. 

Speaking up hasn't been working in his favor. Maybe he should be less direct - or more? Rin did say he was being too timid. He doesn't want to make things worse than they are, but not knowing what's going on is burning through Makoto and he's not sure he won't internally combust before they get to where they're going. He hardly sees Rin at all these days, even at joint practices that seem to keep Rin too busy to do more than greet him and his team at the beginning and wave them off at the end.

He takes a deep breath and opens his mouth, but sighs when he realizes he still doesn't know what to say. 

"We're going to walk around for a while, and when we're hungry I'm buying us dinner," Rin says with a tone that tells Makoto his presence is more requested than demanded, despite his forceful words. "You can talk, you know. I never told you to shut up." 

"It's kind of hard to think past the questions you're not answering," Makoto admits. "But. It's nice to see you."

Rin scoffs. "Yeah, okay."

"It is!" he insists. "I've missed you." He doesn't miss the way Rin's head snaps up at that, but he won't press any further right now. If Rin wants to just walk around with him, he's happy to do so. 

He has missed Rin. It seems as though since he's been back, there's always something pulling Rin away from him. There's something more urgent, there's a distraction, there's an underclassman who needs coaching. Haru gets most of Rin's attention when they're together. He doesn't resent either of them, but Makoto finds himself yearning for a reason for Rin to turn to him sometimes, to be capable of grabbing his attention and holding it. Just him - not Makoto, Iwatobi's captain, or Makoto, because he's standing with the rest of them and Rin's looking at all of them. Just him. 

He fights himself on this, just as he fights all of his selfish impulses. Still, it's satisfying in a way he's not going to quantify. For once, it's just him and Rin. 

"Are you happy, Makoto?" Rin asks. 

Makoto startles, but covers it with a laugh and a closed-eye smile. "I am," he says. "I'm always happy to see you, Rin." 

Shaking his head, Rin sighs out a harsh breath. "That's not what I mean." He pauses and glances up at Makoto, squinting his eyes appraisingly. But maybe it's just the sunlight getting in his eyes. 

"What do you mean, Rin?" They've stopped walking near a small copse of trees, one of the city council's attempts to green up the city. Makoto leads them off the sidewalk and into the shade. A small animal startles and darts out from the brush, and they both watch it go. 

"I just want to know if you're happy," Rin says with a sigh. "With - I dunno, everything."

He can't help wondering why Rin would even ask, and immediately feels ashamed. They're friends. It's not like Rin wouldn't care. It's such a heavy question, and that's not altogether unexpected from Rin. It still stymies him. 

"I'm not sure what you're asking," Makoto says gently. What he means is, _I'm not sure what you want me to say._

"Are you dating Haru?" Rin asks suddenly, and again he catches Makoto off-guard. 

"No?" Makoto replies. Don't be so tentative, Rin's eyes say. "No, I'm not."

"But you would, right?" Rin pushes on. His tone is sharp enough that Makoto almost steps back. 

"No," he says. "No, I don't think I could ever date Haru. I've never wanted to." Rin's still studying him, his aggressive stance keeping Makoto on edge. "If you want to," he starts. He forces the tightness in his chest to go down; this is not the time. "If you want to date him, you should just ask him." He should encourage him more, he knows, but he just can't find it in himself to say any more. He's not as good a friend as everyone says he is. 

"I don't want to date Haru," Rin scoffs, looking out toward the street and watching a bus go loudly past. 

"Oh." Makoto opens his mouth and closes it. He wants to ask something, but he's not actually sure what his question even is. The relief he feels is palpable. 

"I don't want to stand still anymore," Rin says. He starts walking toward the coast, glancing back only once to make sure Makoto will follow. When he gets close enough, he reaches out and loosely closes his fingers around Makoto's before letting him slip out of his grasp again. Makoto reaches and clasps his hand, pressing against the back of Rin's hand with his thumb. Rin returns the pressure lightly. 

He's not sure what any of this means. 

The sun is still high in the sky, and the beach is far from uncrowded. No one's swimming, yet. There are probably a few weeks to go before it'll be warm enough. There are families on picnics, couples and groups sitting around on the sand, talking. Rin's got his hands stuffed in his pockets now, arms pushed straight and hoodie making him look even more slouched than he is. He's still got that look on his face, closed off and angry, that Makoto saw on his face more last year than he has lately. 

"Rin, it's really hard to look at you when you seem so bothered, and not be able to help," Makoto says. He keeps his voice low as they weave their way toward the path up to the lookout point, a wooded ledge that pokes out over the bay. "Please talk to me." 

"You're such a mother hen," Rin replies. It stings, a little. 

"I don't think wanting to know what's bothering you makes me that overbearing," Makoto says. "We're friends. If there's something wrong I want to be here for you. I just want you to be happy." It makes sense to Makoto. He's always felt that urge to please, to placate, to soothe. 

"And yet you can't say if you're happy yourself," Rin counters, kicking up sand. The wind forces it back against their pants. 

Makoto has to consider this. "I'm not unhappy," he says after a while. "There are a lot of things in my life that make me happy. Being friends with you again, swimming with my friends, things like that." 

"But there's still stuff that bothers you." It's flat, but Makoto thinks he can hear the question. 

"Of course. I'm thinking a lot about the end of this year, and all the changes graduation will bring. I'm still trying to decide what I want to do after high school." 

"University," Rin says as they reach the mouth of the path and step into the sun-dappled shade. 

"Yeah, but for what? And where?" Makoto counters. And where will Rin be? And if it's far away does that mean their friendship will end with their proximity? He has so many questions. "What about you?"

"What do you really want, Makoto?"

"That's a really vague question, Rin."

"No it's not."

"It is," he insists. "There are a lot of ways to want."

Rin pushes a low hanging branch and ducks underneath it. He's frustrated, Makoto can tell. It's almost like he's waiting for a specific answer, but Makoto needs a more specific question. 

"What do you want, Rin?" 

Rin shakes his head. "You can't answer a question with a question, Mako. It's rude."

He feels something loosen at the familiarity. Rin hasn't used his nickname for a long time. He smiles, suddenly feeling at ease again. "I'm sorry I was rude, Rinrin," he says. 

Rin sighs, but there's an upward turn of his lips that goes with it. He's okay. Makoto breathes deep. 

They've followed the path up to the edge. There's hardly a break between the trees and the ledge, and the ground is covered with dead twigs and leaves. Rin kicks at the brush until there's room for the two of them to sit, right at the edge, and he sits down first, swinging his legs over the side. Makoto chooses to sit a little further back, crossing his legs. 

"Will you leave Iwatobi?" Rin asks. He leans back on his elbows to look up at him. Makoto smiles. 

"I will," he tells him. "But you're the only one who knows that."

Rin's eyebrows rise. "Really?"

Makoto shrugs. "You're the only one who's asked." He pauses. "I don't think I'm ready to talk about it with Haru and the others." 

Rin nods and looks back out at the horizon. "Me, too." 

Makoto watches him, sharp red that contrasts but looks perfectly matched with the blues and greens around them. 

"Makoto, can I ask you a question?" he asks carefully, after some time. 

"Haven't you been doing that all along?" Makoto laughs. 

"Are you gay, Makoto?" 

Makoto stops laughing. 

It's not like he's never thought about it. Of course he has, and he's pretty sure he knows and understands himself in that regard. He has also spent considerable time thinking about coming out, and imagining how those conversations would go. Nagisa is the only openly gay person in their group of friends, and though he talks about his own experiences freely, he and Makoto haven't ever discussed it. He's never told anyone, not even Haru. 

"Guess that's a no." Rin lifts himself up and slumps forward, staring at his feet as he kicks them out over the water. 

"No, I," Makoto says quietly. "I was wondering how you knew." Rin goes suddenly still and Makoto feels tension weave around them. "I haven't told anyone that." 

"I didn't know," Rin says. "I was kind of hoping, though."

"Rin," Makoto laughs. "Why would you--" He stops abruptly. 

"Why indeed," Rin says. He's staring out to sea, and Makoto really doesn't want to scoot closer to the edge but he also really wants to know what kind of expression is on Rin's face. 

The wind shifts, a gust from the south that forces Rin to turn inward. He doesn't look at Makoto, though he seems to be thinking about it. His eyes flick toward the spot where he's seated, but he plays with the grass at his fingertips and doesn't look up. 

The wind is getting in Makoto's eyes. It's enough of an excuse, so he shifts, back to the wind, slides over until their thighs touch. Rin doesn't move away. Makoto touches the back of his hand, breath hitching when Rin turns it over and grasps Makoto's hand. 

"Do you like me?" He can hardly believe he's daring enough to ask, let alone anticipate the answer. 

"Yeah," Rin admits. It's so bare of his usual bluster and bite, and the way he's holding Makoto's hand so gently, it all feels achingly delicate. So far from the bright fire and strength Makoto usually sees when he looks at Rin. Somehow that makes everything mean that much more, because this is Rin being vulnerable, and allowing Makoto to see him that way. 

"I like you a lot, Rin," he says, and interlaces their fingers. He smiles when he sees that Rin is still stubbornly staring down, reaches but Rin won't let him nudge him into turning his face to Makoto. 

"Rinrin," he says. Rin smiles. 

"Rin," Makoto says. Rin shakes his head. 

"Riiiin," he half-whines. Anticipating the way Rin will tilt his head to look at him, he darts in for a kiss. They smack noses and both recoil with startled yelps. Rin starts laughing and falls against Makoto's side. Makoto overflows. "Be my boyfriend?"

Rin snorts and tilts his head more forcefully into Makoto's shoulder. "Duh." 

"Hey Rin," Makoto whispers. "I'm happy."

"You're dumb," Rin says, but he doesn't mean it. "Hold still." 

"Why?" Makoto asks, laughing as Rin tries to push himself upright but mostly tips Makoto sideways. 

"So I can kiss you," Rin says. "Obviously."

Makoto chuckles, and leans in first.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and critiques are welcome. It's only me checking these over.


End file.
